It’s been a long week

Hi, friends. I’ve had a gritty week.

Hardship #1: Mr. Eyes is in his (likely) final sleep regression at 22 months; what this looks like is a night of great sleep, followed by a night of crying and wakefulness every hour or so, followed by a night or two of great sleep, followed by a sleepless night… you get the picture. We’re finishing week 2 of this, so hopefully we’ll be through it soon. In the meantime, I never know if I’m going to have all my marbles the next morning or not… and if not, I have much less brain capacity for Internetz. Hence you haven’t heard much from me.

Hardship #2: The marriage has taken a few hits this week, too, thanks to a handful of somewhat-more-drastic-than-usual mistakes being made, some arduous late-night conversations (which allowed us to make good relational/behavior progress with one another but were still grueling to get through, especially given hardship #1 above), and a pretty dramatic relapse on my part back into vacillating attachment behavior. I hadn’t had a flair-up in awhile and didn’t expect one, but I should have: a few weeks of escalating frustrations coupled with a particular triggering incident dumped me down the elevator shaft of old, broken ways of thinking, and I had built myself a mud castle at the bottom before I realized it. Shew. It was bad. Thank God, I have a compassionate, attentive mentor in my pastor’s wife, and a phone call with her allowed me to blow off a lot of steam in a healthy, safe context; and, thankfully, my counselor has equipped me with some state-of-the-art resources that allow me to identify my broken, unhealthy thought patterns and respond to my triggers with wisdom and compassion and, thus, humility. Also, thankfully, I have a very long-suffering husband who is working hard to understand the layers of problems I’m continually sorting through and help me cope with them.

Hardship #3: My mother is going in for major surgery on Tuesday, and while I’ve tried hard not to think about it, this is really troubling for me. She’s going to have 90 staples in her stomach when all is said and done, and the recovery will take at least a month if not more time. She’ll be on a liquid diet and stuck at the hospital for days. She’s worried, and I’m worried for her. I’m worried for my sister, too, who lives with my mom and depends on her greatly for all kinds of support. They are coming up to celebrate Easter with us and my husband’s family tomorrow, and I’ve been worried how that all will go, too…. partly because of #4 below:

Hardship #4: This is my own fault, but I took on some cooking tasks for tomorrow. While I enjoy cooking, after the other stressors of the week, this has introduced a lot of extra nervous tension into my moment-by-moment existence. I actually spent the majority of today with a horrible stomachache, apparently caused by *eating*, of all things (both breakfast and dinner induced horrible pangs; aside from those meals I grazed lightly the rest of the day, and while that didn’t hurt so much, it didn’t seem to help so much either)… since the pain has seemingly finally gone away after a liberal application of antacid tabs, and since there were no other symptoms, my best guess is that I have a build-up of stomach acid caused by stress. Because this isn’t the first time similar things have happened to me, I’m very inclined to hang my head and throw up my hands. Shoot, I screwed myself over *again*. That’s all I can think. …But, at least I can be super grateful that whatever it is seems to have passed. I’m just praying it doesn’t flair up again tomorrow (and if you’re the praying sort… I really wouldn’t mind prayers toward that end <3).


 

So, after all that, I kind of just wanted to fill in those of you who might be wondering where I’ve been this week… to keep it real, keep it honest… keep it gritty. I especially wanted to get this out before tomorrow, because, well, Easter:

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?

Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for usWho shall separate us from the love of Christ?

Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or swordAs it is written:

“For Your sake we are killed all day long;
We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.”

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to comenor height nor depth, nor any other created thing,

shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

–Romans 8:31-39

 

…Nor tummy aches nor sleeplessness nor toddlers nor family gatherings nor anxiety nor depression nor self-destruction nor over-commitment nor idealization nor devaluing nor history nor triggers nor any other brokenness

can separate me from the love of God.

He is risen.

Jesus has risen from the grave, warming us as the dawn.

 

What does it take to convey comfort?

“What makes you passionate about blogging?”

This is a short post to answer the question posed me by the Liebster Award nomination instructions. I decided to separate this part of the deal out as a proper stand-alone post.

I’m passionate about blogging for a couple different reasons:

  1. I blogged *endlessly* through high school and college. The platform I used, Xanga, is now totally defunct; thankfully, though all my images and even some original music I had posted was lost when the site went under 😦 , they sent me a (very jumbled) archive of all my posts (just text, no media). After all my stuff went kaplooey, it was hard to start up again… I made many, many failed attempts. I just couldn’t enjoy it again for a long time. Part of it, I think, was figuring out what exactly my voice *was* after all this time. Which leads me to my second reason for blogging now:
  2. This is a place where I can finally set my voice free, no holds barred. I can discuss what I want to discuss, however I want to discuss it, and trust that if people read what I’m thinking, it’s because they *want* to. It’s not because they’re related to me or had it pop up in their Facebook newsfeed and now they can’t un-see it. I can be seen and heard and appreciated for what I care about–and, honestly, what I care about can often be some pretty tough stuff. But this blog is the manifestation of me finally giving myself permission to share it with the world–whatever “it” is–without fear, shame, or humiliation.
  3. This freedom I feel to blog about the stuff that REALLY matters to me is an outworking of my faith enabled by the counseling I’ve received and all the psychological healing I’ve experienced in the last half-dozen years, especially in the last year. Because I have been so blessed, I feel an intense desire for others with similar backgrounds or issues to experience the same thing. I want to be a resource to them, to provide comfort as well as I can–
  4. And I especially want to be a bridge between them and the rest of society. I spent so much of my life in the dark, on the margins, feeling decidedly unwanted and unvalued. The enmity I felt toward the rest of society was very destructive; the lack of compassion, attention, and understanding I often received from others, wittingly or not, was also destructive. So many of us are caught in this cycle, on one side or the other, and it’s brutalizing our culture. We can stop it. I want to help.

And that’s why I blog.

Love,

–GM

 

Follower Appreciation Day: Promote Your Blog!

Wow! You people. You have exceeded my all expectations about who cares what I think or have to say.

Today my blog acquired 50 followers!

And not long ago, it hit 100 likes. It’s hardly been a month since I’ve made grittymomma.com public; I had no idea what to expect, and I have been so thrilled at the reception I’ve been given.

Thank you to all my followers!

I started this blog to share my thoughts and experiences of parenting, homeschooling, emotional health, and abuse awareness in an extended, detailed way that social media just doesn’t allow for. Contrary to my expectations, the number of people who have taken an interest (or even give me the time of day) here has been *so* edifying and affirming. For the first time in my life, I’ve begun to think that what I have to say is worth appreciating–not just by a small circle of close friends, but by the world at large, because at least some complete strangers out there have cared to spend the time on me.

I have so often hoped that my perspective might be relevant to the world at large; thanks to the warm welcome I have received here, I have really begun to believe that it might be.

For this gift you have given me, I sincerely say: Thank You.

As an expression of gratitude and camaraderie, I wanted to take this opportunity to give back a little. So, I hereby proclaim this Follower Appreciation Day!

If you are a follower of grittymomma.com, I invite you to promote your blog by posting a link and a description of it in the comments below. ❤

If you’re not a follower, it’s easy to join the party! Just click the “Follow on WordPress” button at the right side of the page or enter your address in the email subscription box.

And if you decide you don’t need the spam, feel free to subscribe and then unsubscribe later. I won’t judge. 🙂

Once you’ve shared your info in the comments below, I would love it if you would reblog this post or otherwise share it on your website to spread the word to anyone else who might be interested in the topics I discuss here–or just a friendly conversation with a curious introvert. The door’s always open. 🙂

Thank you so much again. I hope you leave here blessed! Come back soon!

–GM

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